chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
