So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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