yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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