found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
