I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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