she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
