My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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