I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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