listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
apparently the secret to your success is patron
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
