I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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