So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
