My friends, they love my intelligence
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
