i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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