dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
