3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
