Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
