i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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