she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
