I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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