what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
