its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
