Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
