K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
