The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
