sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
