Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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