the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
