it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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