Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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