I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
