if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
