ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
