Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
