Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
