i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
