He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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