Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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