Swine flu. Run for my life!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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