i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
