why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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