I heard we made out
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
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I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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