i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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