I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
