he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
