First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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