well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
