I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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