OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
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its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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