shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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