Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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