i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
