You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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