is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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