Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
