the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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