my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
