You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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