yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
