I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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