I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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