Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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