he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
