Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
