pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
