sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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