put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
