I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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