Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
