Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
