Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the day after is always just damage control
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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