i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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