Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
