...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
