I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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