Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
