I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
