What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
